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To Be Real

by Mandy Doerr

In a story, a long time ago,
Was a toy that wanted to know:
What it was like to be alive.

Said the Camel to his rabbit friend,
"What is actually the beginning, may feel like the end.
To be real, you must learn how to feel."

"The long road you must take will be hard.
By the end, you'll be falling apart,
But you'll never regret it, my friend."

There'll be pain that takes away your strength to stand,
Deep fears which will give you trembling hands,
But neither will dim the joy you'll feel.
It is Love that will make you real.

There was a time when I was just a shell.
A place where the expectations of others dwelled.
With the Real Me trapped deep inside.

It was a long time coming, but it happened one day,
When the shell finally broke and I was swept away
Into a whirlpool of anger and pain.

Looking at my broken self, I knew,
To be healed, I had to rip myself in two
And totally rebuild my life.

There was pain that took away my strength to stand,
Deep fears which gave me trembling hands,
And as I learned again how to feel,
I asked God for the strength to be real.

As I look at all the broken dreams, I find -
I must separate what is theirs - what is mine,
And believe I can succeed in the end.

They are fighting hard, my soul to reclaim.
So their precious facade can remain unchanged
And they'll never need to face the truth.

But I'll never be their puppet again
And my heart, my mind and spirit I'll defend.
Once a toy, I have now become real.

It is faith which gives me the strength to stand,
And Hope that stills my trembling hands.
Now I know what it is to live and to feel.
And that I must love myself to be real.


Copyright © 1988, Amanda D. Doerr